Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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