I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
