just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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