Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
