Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
