Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
