You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
