Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
