It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
