ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
