He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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