she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
