It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
