yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
