she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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