; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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