I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
