what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
