OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the condom got lost in my hair
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
