why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
