i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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