it wasn't lemon gatorade
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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