A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
don't judge my taste in strippers
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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