my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
