sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
