Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
