I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
