i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
