can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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