I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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