The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
