Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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