Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
