Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
