Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
