the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
whose parrot is this?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
