I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
