Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
