I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
