small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
