I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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