i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
