I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
