You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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