So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
