do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
