I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
