I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
