I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
