you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
